Friday, August 19, 2011

The truth shall set teachers free! And by free, I mean fired... Probably.

A few years back, several of my friends who are teachers got together over a  round of margaritas and started this list. Okay, maybe it was closer to three rounds. Not important. What IS important is that teachers have to hold their tongues a lot. As in more than any other profession I can think of. Even therapists get to be truthful with their patients without major concerns about their patients' parents having a conniption fit over what they said.

As summer vacation comes to an end and teachers prepare to deal with this year's doses of crazy, it seems like the perfect time to share this with the world... or the five of you that might see this. I should probably add that this list was meant as a way to vent after a particularly difficult year. Teachers usually do like your kids.  You, on the other hand, might be a completely different story.

Here we go:

1. You are the reason I drink every day.
2. Asking your child to walk in a straight line as we move through the hallway does not equate "breaking his little spirit."
3. Your kid was lying to you when he said he doesn't lie to you.
4. You are embarrassing your kid... and not in a good way.
5. Why does your nine year old smell like she smokes a pack a day?
6. If you see me at a restaurant, feel free to say a quick "hello" and then MOVE. ON. If I wanted to spend my dinner talking to you, I would have asked you to dinner.
7. Remember when you were in school and you knew a kid who was a total asshole? FYI, they exist these days, too. And one of the ones I know looks just like your kid. Guess why.
8. I'm not going to make up random lies about your kid... because I have a life. Your kid, on the other hand, needs to get one.

Unfortunately, this is all I can remember at the moment. I will edit to add more if I remember them.

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